An open letter to my Mother:

An open letter to my mother:

Sitting in a cold waiting room filled with people I don't know is disheartening in itself. Waiting for the word that everything went ok. That your in recovery, that your okay. Getting that brief sense of relief when seeing your doctor only to have it go wrong and from feeling joy to pain in a split second is heart wrenching. A pain that doesn't stop. A pain that feels like your heart is going to explode, leap out of your chest and run, while you faint, have migraines and nausea all at the same time... This is a letter to my mother. 

I never would've imagined I'd see you with wires coming from all directions. Feelings of anguish consume me.  You are by far after God the most important person in my life, but did I make you feel that way? Did I make you feel like you are priceless someone who could never be replaced! Did I?

Anyone that knows you knows that your heart is so big that angels fly around you constantly because you have the heart of an angel. I pray for you harder then I've prayed for anything in my life. I pray that God protects you and guides the doctors that work on you. I pray that after this experience with Gods will I can show you the utmost appreciation everyday. Everyday, because tomorrow is promised to no one ! This is my mother the women of my dreams. A women I've been blessed with for 29yrs. Selfless, honest, generous, courageous and loving. The woman that as an adult I aim to be like. I not only appreciate you I adore you. You ,mom, who are also my dad. You who did everything possible to give us what we needed even though my father was missing in action. Am i bashing him no. But i will say that I appreciate you more as I am now a grown woman and can understand the pain that you tried to shield me from in mot having a father. One who is supposed tonprotect uou guide you and love you... no worries because my dear I found that in you. As I look at my life i realize that things could've  been different. You could have been that mom that didnt want to be bothered with a child who looks wxactly like her father. Yes the one that walked out the one that didnt look back until his children were adults. And yet you never once bad mouthed him but you always reminded me " thats your father". Well whose there to thank you for pocking up the slack,  the extra hours of work, the help you have given me to assist me in finishing college. I am. Your daughter thank you. Thank you for always being true to yourself and in turn raising to be a woman of truth a woman who has self worth and can do anything j set my mind to.

Did you know that you are the reason I finished college because I didn't graduate WE graduated with two degrees. They may have my name but they are yours if not more than mine. At times we may not agree but I always made sure to listen why because Do you know you are one of the smartest women I know!! I pray God lays his hands on you and everything will be okay. I leave all my worries in his hands for they are bigger then mine can carry. As I write this with tears down my face I remember how we share experiences that help guide us and remind us to keep fighting. I will fight for you always now and forever, be here with you and love you forever! !!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dealing with friends who barrow money.

   How many times have you been approached by that "friend"? You know the one who asks to barrow $ money. And after you give it to them how long is it before you hear from them, weeks, months, years. Is it really worth it?
    Its understandable that there will be times when as a freind you can help another freind who is in that position of needing help. But isn't it better to give? Now I'm  not saying that everyone  who asks to barrow money you have to gift it to, but imagine how embarrassing it is for some of our friends  to have to ask. Now granted we all have those friends  who are not ashamed of asking and don't  return it either. To those I say cut your losses and God will bless you for helping them.  But also learn from your past with these "friends" sometimes having a Big a heart is a Big mistake especially when you've given money to these so called "friends " time and time again. 

Here are somethings to consider: 

- Is that friendship worth losing over money ?

- How important is the person to you? 

- Has this person helped you?

-Can you deal with not getting this money returned to you? 

     I have found that when you  can  help a friend and it doesn't effect you financially to bless someone who may need the blessing. Then do it. When you'll need it God will then bless you with a gift. 

And if you do decide  to" loan" money, large amounts of money always remember the word CONTRACT!!

Can there be a relationship without trust ?

Is there a REALationship with out trust ?

    How many of us have been at a point in our relationships where we doubt our partner/spouse? 

Thinking:

Is he really there ?  Is so & so there too ?  Did he really stop talking to her? Is he still texting her ? Is he doing it again?

     When trust has vacated the premisses of your relationship doubt sets in ! I put the word REAL in Relationships because that exactly what we are dealing with REAL LIFE. Its unfortunate to think of a relationship without trust because you as other individual in the relationship go crazy with WHAT IF'S????

What if he see his ex?

What if she tries something?

What if he meets someone else?

What if he sleeps with someone else...(again)?

WHAT IF?????

    To get right down to it we have all been lied to in one way or another. If you say "I don't lie"... that in itself would be the ultimate lie. Why? Sometimes we don't want to be bothered so you lie about what your doing or going, sometimes even who your with? Now, if your relationship has suffered in a way where your and your partner have lost some form of trust in your relationship what are you doing to rebuild it? Just forgiving your partner isn't enough. Yes I said FORGIVENESS IS NOT ENOUGH !!! As the saying goes " You forgive but you don't forget" ! Will you ever truly forget, NO but do you need to bring it up every day, every week, once a month, 12 times a year NO. Especially of your trying to move forward. Notice the last word being forward. You can't move forward if your constantly bringing your partner and yourself back to the place you were before. The place that made you insecure to begin with. It doesn't matter what type of situation got you to that place if your willing to move forward and move past it. Holding on to those feelings from the past will have you continue to have little to No trust in your partner. 
     Trust works like a two way street, where you both should be able to trust each other. Not one being trusting while the other tests the limits of trust in your relationship. If you have set out to Forgive your partner you have to truly forgive and not bring the situation up whenever you feel. Now granted it will be hard especially in times of arguments but bringing it up will only make your spouse re-live the situation too, and make them mad. 

Think of it this way: Imagine you have been accused of something and every chance someone gets they throw it in your face. The feelings attached with the guilt will resurface. How can u let these feelings go if you keep giving them LIFE by continuing to bring it up!! Yes doubt is like fire the more you feed into it the bigger it gets and the more harm it causes.

Understandably the pain that you feel isn't something that will go away right away but in time it will. If this is the person that you love and wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him, he will show you in their actions that they are sorry. 

You can regain the trust in your relationship but it will be a team effort.  The team being the 2 of you. Stay tuned tomorrow  I will share with you how to rebuild this trust... realistically! !