An open letter to my Mother:

An open letter to my mother:

Sitting in a cold waiting room filled with people I don't know is disheartening in itself. Waiting for the word that everything went ok. That your in recovery, that your okay. Getting that brief sense of relief when seeing your doctor only to have it go wrong and from feeling joy to pain in a split second is heart wrenching. A pain that doesn't stop. A pain that feels like your heart is going to explode, leap out of your chest and run, while you faint, have migraines and nausea all at the same time... This is a letter to my mother. 

I never would've imagined I'd see you with wires coming from all directions. Feelings of anguish consume me.  You are by far after God the most important person in my life, but did I make you feel that way? Did I make you feel like you are priceless someone who could never be replaced! Did I?

Anyone that knows you knows that your heart is so big that angels fly around you constantly because you have the heart of an angel. I pray for you harder then I've prayed for anything in my life. I pray that God protects you and guides the doctors that work on you. I pray that after this experience with Gods will I can show you the utmost appreciation everyday. Everyday, because tomorrow is promised to no one ! This is my mother the women of my dreams. A women I've been blessed with for 29yrs. Selfless, honest, generous, courageous and loving. The woman that as an adult I aim to be like. I not only appreciate you I adore you. You ,mom, who are also my dad. You who did everything possible to give us what we needed even though my father was missing in action. Am i bashing him no. But i will say that I appreciate you more as I am now a grown woman and can understand the pain that you tried to shield me from in mot having a father. One who is supposed tonprotect uou guide you and love you... no worries because my dear I found that in you. As I look at my life i realize that things could've  been different. You could have been that mom that didnt want to be bothered with a child who looks wxactly like her father. Yes the one that walked out the one that didnt look back until his children were adults. And yet you never once bad mouthed him but you always reminded me " thats your father". Well whose there to thank you for pocking up the slack,  the extra hours of work, the help you have given me to assist me in finishing college. I am. Your daughter thank you. Thank you for always being true to yourself and in turn raising to be a woman of truth a woman who has self worth and can do anything j set my mind to.

Did you know that you are the reason I finished college because I didn't graduate WE graduated with two degrees. They may have my name but they are yours if not more than mine. At times we may not agree but I always made sure to listen why because Do you know you are one of the smartest women I know!! I pray God lays his hands on you and everything will be okay. I leave all my worries in his hands for they are bigger then mine can carry. As I write this with tears down my face I remember how we share experiences that help guide us and remind us to keep fighting. I will fight for you always now and forever, be here with you and love you forever! !!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♡♡